Ignore Your Blemishes: Practical Advice for Women

Here's the situation:

I am walking past a beautiful girl on the street. And as she gets closer and closer and we fall into each other's morphic fields, I find myself fixating on a mole, a scar, a patch of acne. . . some "defect" that detracts from her beauty. My eyes will lock onto this problem area with hawk-like focus to the point that I can no longer see the rest of the woman or notice any of her features.

Now, I know. . .you're expecting me to spew some bitter EvoPsych trope about the essentialness and (relative) immutability of beauty in the evolved strategy to capture male attention and win his undying love.

But no, that's not what's going on here. Because what is really going on here is a bit of instant psychic bonding. Because what is happening here has next to nothing to do with me or men in general "who are always staring at my scar."

What's actually happening is that as I walk by and a women feels her natural (if not all-consuming) attraction for me, HER insecurities are aroused and SHE focuses obsessively on her "flaws" to the exclusion of everything else.

This is an undeniable "psychic" effect by which "attention follows intention," as the self-help industry wisely complains, and the man is focusing his gaze automatically on where the woman's attention is focused. This is pre-cognitive animal interaction at its purest. Where a woman puts her attention - for good or for bad - and especially when she supercharges that attention with her anxieties about her ugly-making deformities and the inevitable judgment this man and indeed THE WHOLE WORLD MUST be having about her as she pollutes it with her disgusting affronts to natural aesthetics, the man's attention instinctively go as well.

We are attuned to your emotions and are looking where you direct us to. But because of your insecurities, you likely assume that it is US who are judging you and therefore validating your confirmation bias that you are ugly and no man will be attracted to you because we are focused on the zit on your nose that you couldn't layer any more coverup onto or I would look completely fake OMG what am I going to do, I want to diiiiie and can't even leave the house FML.

But this is the most elegant reminder of how we create our realities and the universe merely reflects them back to us.

So ladies, this is a cycle worth breaking. Because believe me, we wouldn't be staring at you if we didn't think you were hot. We would just pass on by or try to ignore your ugly girl neediness and exhausting sucking of our attention. No, you are hot, and we want to enjoy it.

But you won't let us.

Instead of focusing on the 99% of hot features, your obsessing on your out of place eyelash unconsciously forces us to focus on it too, to the exclusion of all your other aesthetically delightful traits.

So we lose and you lose with us. And worse, your self-image doubles down on insecurity because you can FEEL us staring right at your sore spot all the while you are trying to get us NOT to.

Because in our neuro-chemistry, we can't NOT do things. We can only do things. We can only lead our attention to where we want it to go. We can't just block it from happening without putting 10 times as much attention on what we are trying to block than if we'd just allowed it to be, so we can get on with it and focus on the things we actually WANT vs what we don't want

This is an old NLP (and other modalities) stratagem, and it is really, literally true. YOU are making yourself ugly by focusing on your insecurities, on your "fly" instead of the delicious, creamy, soft, smooth, floral, moisturizing, sexifying ointment in which it is but a speck.

So ladies, practice this:

Ignore your imperfections. Do what you must with your makeup and other tricks of the trade. And then forget about them. Completely.

Don't "not think about them" because then you are just thinking about them even MORE and making them MORE of a problem and an attention magnet for men whose attention you crave - just not there.

Instead learn to let go of the anxieties and focus on the features you WANT him to take in, the features that make you feel beautiful and unique, that you WANT him to appreciate in you and that you want to leverage to gain his affections.

Do that instead.

This is a BIT of an art to not try to not do something. We don't instinctively know how to do this without creating a triple negative instead of just letting go of a thing all together. It's like trying to straighten a bent coat hanger. If you just re-bend it again the other way, you don't get a straight coat hanger. You get a coat hanger that is twice as bent. Instead you need to "let go" of the bend. In our coat hanger, you would just pull the sides apart until the bend disappears (the analogy sort of runs out here, but you get the idea - do the opposite of what is instinctive).

So this will take some practice. You can still be aware of the blemish - you don't have to force yourself to pretend it doesn't exist like so many "positive thinking gurus." But you don't need to give it any extra attention, and instead focus that attention where you want it. It is your choice.

Do this for a week or two and see how many men notice you nose, your smile, your earring. . . whatever you want them to look at. So when they come into "range," focus on these things with as much joy as you spent anxiety focusing on your flaws.

You will notice your life change considerably.

Now before the hate mail floods in, make sure you are ACTUALLY doing what I'm instructing; Don't try REALLY REALLY HARD not to focus on your zits and then spend a tenth of that energy focused on your cute chin while constantly pushing back against your nastier features. This will just energize the nasty features even more and draw even MORE attention to them. Only because you THINK you're doing it right, they will just draw more attention "behind your back" and you will wonder where it's coming from and why this shit ain't working the way Ramón promised you in this article.

Take the time to get this sorted "energetically" in your life and watch the magic happen.

Now men (if you haven't gotten bored and moved on by now) may experience some success with this approach as well. Although women are much more blemish seeking than men are, you may still never be able to totally get them to not notice the smudge on your shirt, your saggy pecs, or the lack of bulge in your shorts. But since you should always have the stronger frame, you can actually more easily get her to move quickly away from these imperfections by being completely non-obsessed with them and focusing on your better traits and even more importantly on HER better traits, so that you are the observer/critic of her rather than the other way around.

Remember women need to screen men OUT so they are looking for reasons to say no. Men, in general, are looking for reasons to say yes. We are already primed to ignore her subtler flaws to assess her fuckability and then fuck away. At the moment I can't indicate a perfect score of who benefits more from this mental mastery, but in general I'd say we all benefit from managing our minds in ever more situations.

Let this one be a teaching moment that opens up a world of controlling your destiny in palpable ways you may never have imagined possible. . .