Life

A collection of 33 posts

Ramón Larsen

Ignore Your Blemishes: Practical Advice for Women

Because what is happening here has next to nothing to do with me or men in general "who are always staring at my scar."

Dave Goodman

Achieving Spiritual Union Through The Passionate Pursuit of Vice

In the monotheistic world, we have forcefully eschewed this. We live in a brutalist Manichean world, like a Hoover Dam Sized Firehose being choked off with a mix of circumcision, Catholic shame, and Protestant self-hatred holding fast the kink with all its Abrahamic might.

Dave Goodman

As The World Gets Richer, It's Time to Re-Examine The Perils of Generational Wealth

But even in these “primitive’ cultures, the effects of inherited wealth were the same as they are today: indolent, bored, neglected children who were too little tested by life and too much tested by academia and tutors to ever live up to the glories of those they inherited their wealth from.

Dave Goodman

The Varieties of Hipster Experience and The Slippery Slope of "Authenticity"

Gilly’s was not playing by the rules. In fact, it wasn't even playing at all. Gilly’s was an unreconstructed dive bar. It was uninhibitedly, unapologetically gross - where gross people come to do gross things.

Dave Goodman Featured

The Passive Aggressive Post-Honk: A Talisman of the Fecklessness of Our Time

The "Millennial Honk" is the perfect metaphor for our time in that it is at once completely annoying and that nothing will ever actually be accomplished by it.

Dave Goodman

The Platonic Ideal of the Old San Joaquin: Charmlessness with a Hint of Spice.

But what you lack in pizazz, Manteca, you more than make up for in. . .remoteness from any semblance of natural beauty.

Ramón Larsen

Priapus's Splinter and The Tightrope's Walk of Reconciliation with Human Deviancy

One must live out the fragment qua fragment in order to remain a whole person in the context of a D/s-prohibitive society. But we also have to keep two toes firmly planted in the vanilla world so that when it comes time to reintegrate and live even fuller lives, we are able to do so.

Dave Goodman

The Delights of Second City Springtime

Up here, there's something almost crystalline about it, as if the Spring is encased in a pure shell of timeless glory, like a still frame in a movie, trying not to move lest it disturb the just perfect balance.

Ramón Larsen

How To Achieve Total Relationship Security for Women

These are the mechanics of love, that in the deepening of love, the desire of the other becomes your desire. This allows this dynamic to continue indefinitely. The interests are aligned in that the desire for the other's desires becomes our deepest desire. A bond like that does not break easily.

Ramón Larsen

What Ancient Alchemy Teaches Us About The Best Sex Ever (and How to Build an Enduring Love)

The glow on her face when you tell her how beautiful she is is not like a thermostat that maintains that glow for all of eternity. It's more like a camp fire that needs a constant supply of new wood (heh) to maintain her feelings.

Ramón Larsen

The Precise Number of Beach Photos You Should Take of Your Hot Russian Girlfriend

You just snuck into the status bargain basement by underbidding all of them for the "privilege" of following her around in order that she can share her body with the infinite network of global Instagram masturbators and - she hopes - her own bit of side cock.

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Ramón Larsen Featured

The Double Edged Sword of Dating Girls in the Sex Industry

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Ramón Larsen

Repudiation, Self-Preservation and the Agonies of Lost Love

Dave Goodman

One Last Gasp of Hipster Throwback Nostalgia. Or The Most Important Cultural Phenomenon of Our Lives.

The point is the shunning of economical equilibrium by choosing a vastly less efficient mode of creation than that which is so readily available elsewhere. But most importantly, there is that genuine desire to remember the authentic, the simple, and that more elusive quality than ever: the "real."

Dave Goodman

How George Clooney Upleveled My Multitasking and Added Countless Hours to My Life

I can’t imagine they are still making old-skool, self-important, shittily, choppily, and lazily edited, arcless dreck like this. Like I’m in shock.

Ramón Larsen

Vanilla Sex Redux: Why I May Never Be Fit for Spiritual Society

So, the other night I had the first fully vanilla sex I've had since my kinky awakening so many years ago. It was something I had hoped to avoid, and it was something I knew would be dissatisfying. But for some reason - fatigue? curiosity? - I went ahead with

Ramón Larsen

Your Cheap, Shitty Dye Job is a Parabolic Descent into Sexual Oblivion. And You Don't Even Know Why.

If you have gotten this old and still don't get it, then you are 1000x worse than a clueless college nerd. Your cluelessness doesn't just reflect present-day gamelessness. She can easily fill in the blanks and retroactively realize that you never had it in the first place.

Roger Bloom

The Glorious Paradox of Astrological Morality in the Never-Ending Tumbling Forward of Human Life

Sag dreams of actually doing the things he talks about, but Capricorn does them. Capricorn dreams of release from the aloneness that doing entails, and Aquarius realizes it. And so on and so on through the signs.

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Ramón Larsen Featured

Satisfying the Bottomless Maw of Her Sexual Appetite: A Primer for Busy Boys (and Older Men)

Dave Goodman

Dear Yoga Teachers: Shut The Fuck Up and Just Count Down The Poses

Your neurotic chatter is not our enlightenment. What we need from you is not endless distractions, we need from you a structure from which we can sink into whatever our bodies need from each pose in each moment.

Dave Goodman

Do Your Probies Pass The Fart Test?

Seconds later, I sounded like a buzzsaw with Tourette’s. The farting was instant and uncontrollable. As soon as the little varmints hit my intestines, the byproduct of their High Noon Face Off were quickly spattered against the plexiglass tombstone to their violent demise.

Ramón Larsen

Fat Chicks in Daisy Dukes is Why Pickup Failed

Modern, unattractive women have invested in sending “I am hot” signals, while the reality of their be-dimpled fatness screams impotently otherwise. But your brain was fooled. Your boner fought back against what your gaze was telling you, and your boner lost.

Dave Goodman

If You Love Someone. . .Send Them Your Email

You are the brick in the nascent fortress that protects our hearts and, yes, our livelihoods, from the slings of misfortune that hit our gentle souls harder than most. It is the smallest gift and the unlikeliest token of love you can offer someone who has given you a glimpse into...

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Roger Bloom

Myers-Briggs is Thin Gruel. Here's What You Should Look At Instead.

Dave Goodman Featured

How To Get Skinny Eating Pancakes

Bar-b-q soup would be my ticket to immortality, having freed the masses from their slavish addiction to chewing and suffering through boring tasting meat. . .a hero amongst the people. Ahhhh. . .the road not taken