Ramón Larsen

What Ancient Alchemy Teaches Us About The Best Sex Ever (and How to Build an Enduring Love)

The glow on her face when you tell her how beautiful she is is not like a thermostat that maintains that glow for all of eternity. It's more like a camp fire that needs a constant supply of new wood (heh) to maintain her feelings.

Dave Goodman

Beware the Transcendence-Killing Lyric of Your Favorite Songs

The version in our head is grammatically incorrect, emotionally incoherent, and, in some cases, not even real words. But that's as it should be.

Dave Goodman

On Structure and Simpsons: How Homer Beats Modern Secularism At Its Own Game (2009)

But nothing comes of this write-by-numbers style other than the gold-star or check-plus of a bored or addled professor. Surely we can do better.

Ramón Larsen

The Precise Number of Beach Photos You Should Take of Your Hot Russian Girlfriend

You just snuck into the status bargain basement by underbidding all of them for the "privilege" of following her around in order that she can share her body with the infinite network of global Instagram masturbators and - she hopes - her own bit of side cock.

Members only

Ramón Larsen Featured

The Double Edged Sword of Dating Girls in the Sex Industry

Dave Goodman

Matzoh Ball Posole: A Tale of Redemption and Joyous Miscegenation

The flavorous resemblance to dishwater (or, on meatier days, bathwater) has been inescapable. Not quite thick enough to be stew and not quite thin enough to be tap water, posole has a lack of flavor all its own.

Ramón Larsen

Throw Out "The Golden Rule" If You Want Any Happiness With Women

Unless you want to be on your knees taking a faceful of cum after licking your hairy asshole for a half an hour while withstanding a barrage of degrading dirty talk, then these rules do not apply to you. Rest easy.

Ramón Larsen

Kinky Kissing Cousins: The Bible and BDSM

Most men will absolutely not fuck their women properly.  And in the world of the natural man, most men will never fuck a woman at all.  Because the world of the natural man also houses the natural woman.  And her standards are stiffer than the unrequited boners of those losers she snubs.

Dave Goodman

How To Be A Better Fan

Worshippers are just haters in reverse. They are Schroedinger’s haters, keeping the option - and their leverage - alive forever.

Members only

Ramón Larsen

Repudiation, Self-Preservation and the Agonies of Lost Love

Dave Goodman

The Master and The Mentor: Liberating The Learner and The Learned

The Master is like a knowledge miser, sitting on a pile of gold he can not spend. He is unhappy, alone, unable to help most people, and also wracked with "imposter syndrome" that nobody can cure him of since no one else knows enough to tell hem he's not an imposter.

Dave Goodman

One Last Gasp of Hipster Throwback Nostalgia. Or The Most Important Cultural Phenomenon of Our Lives.

The point is the shunning of economical equilibrium by choosing a vastly less efficient mode of creation than that which is so readily available elsewhere. But most importantly, there is that genuine desire to remember the authentic, the simple, and that more elusive quality than ever: the "real."

Members only

Ramón Larsen

What Female Confidence Does and Does Not Look Like

Ramón Larsen

"VanillaKink:" Why I Keep Pulling Vanilla Girls Anyway

With apologies to myself. This shouldn't be construed to mean that I will want to have vanilla sex with these girls; only that I will probably keep hunting for my partners in non-kinky environments. But why would I do this? Why, when I have scazillions of pages of

Dave Goodman

How George Clooney Upleveled My Multitasking and Added Countless Hours to My Life

I can’t imagine they are still making old-skool, self-important, shittily, choppily, and lazily edited, arcless dreck like this. Like I’m in shock.

Ramón Larsen

Vanilla Sex Redux: Why I May Never Be Fit for Spiritual Society

So, the other night I had the first fully vanilla sex I've had since my kinky awakening so many years ago. It was something I had hoped to avoid, and it was something I knew would be dissatisfying. But for some reason - fatigue? curiosity? - I went

Ramón Larsen

Your Cheap, Shitty Dye Job is a Parabolic Descent into Sexual Oblivion. And You Don't Even Know Why.

If you have gotten this old and still don't get it, then you are 1000x worse than a clueless college nerd. Your cluelessness doesn't just reflect present-day gamelessness. She can easily fill in the blanks and retroactively realize that you never had it in the first place.

Roger Bloom

The Glorious Paradox of Astrological Morality in the Never-Ending Tumbling Forward of Human Life

Sag dreams of actually doing the things he talks about, but Capricorn does them. Capricorn dreams of release from the aloneness that doing entails, and Aquarius realizes it. And so on and so on through the signs.

Dave Goodman

Bella Ciao and the Camaraderie of Plunder

It is such a powerful anthem, that it almost makes me want to leave my studies, take up the rifle and join a Bernie Sanders rally. The interspersed singing and dancing scenes strike just the right balance between American stoicism and Bollywood inanity.

Members only

Ramón Larsen Featured

Satisfying the Bottomless Maw of Her Sexual Appetite: A Primer for Busy Boys (and Older Men)

Dave Goodman

Dear Yoga Teachers: Shut The Fuck Up and Just Count Down The Poses

Your neurotic chatter is not our enlightenment. What we need from you is not endless distractions, we need from you a structure from which we can sink into whatever our bodies need from each pose in each moment.

Dave Goodman Featured

Why I Will Never Forget What I Heard in the Last Lonesome Cowboy Town In America

I couldn’t help but think that I was in the presence of greatness, the spirit of St Cecilia in one of her many disguises, crying her way into the night along the streets of a never-has-been western town for no one to hear.

Ramón Larsen Featured

The Secret To Keeping Her Heart Is Right Where You Left It

Because when she has nothing left to surrender to you, she is as vulnerable as she could ever be. And if she fears your callous coolness will break her very being, she will kill her own love for you to save her soul.

Dave Goodman

Do Your Probies Pass The Fart Test?

Seconds later, I sounded like a buzzsaw with Tourette’s. The farting was instant and uncontrollable. As soon as the little varmints hit my intestines, the byproduct of their High Noon Face Off were quickly spattered against the plexiglass tombstone to their violent demise.

Ramón Larsen

Fat Chicks in Daisy Dukes is Why Pickup Failed

Modern, unattractive women have invested in sending “I am hot” signals, while the reality of their be-dimpled fatness screams impotently otherwise. But your brain was fooled. Your boner fought back against what your gaze was telling you, and your boner lost.